Ambien. No doubt about it.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
