Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
