How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
