He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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