woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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