Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
