we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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