Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
