I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
