dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
