Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
