Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
