I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
