Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Still dying that you shit outside
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
