Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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