i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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