His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
