i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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