I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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