Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
