I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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