when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
