Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
