don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
