And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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