You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
