Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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