Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize