This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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