You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
