id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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