Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
