do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
