My first STD was from a foam party
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
