I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
