This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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