he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
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