You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
