why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
