he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
