At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
