your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
