Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
