Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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