I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
