If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
