sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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