butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
