I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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