I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
