woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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