im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
